I can't seem to find any words nor time to write on this blog. Though the purpose of purchasing notebook and smart phone was to be able to get in touch with friends via network instead of having a cuppa at Starbucks.
But ever since the tragedy, I find it even harder to write. Even though I looked as if I've fully recovered, there were times where I just feels like giving up everything and run off to just let all the pain subside. Unfortunately it doesn't. I'm still waiting for time to help me heal...
Dear God! I missed her so much. I missed our late evening conversation while I'm driving home from work. I missed to the argument we both have when it comes to obeying husband's request. (Her daughter does not bow to his commands... Hahaha) I missed the moment where we would dissed out our thought about my siblings. Sorry guys... Can't help it. I'm pretty sure you guys talked about me too.
Hubby offered himself in case I need someone to talk to. But it just doesn't work that way. I know he is supposedly my other half. But I need a mother's word of wisdom. No, it didn't work with my mom-in-law either. It just had to mom.
Some people might find it hard to understand how in the world did I get to be so close with my mom. trust me it was not easy. It took us 25 years to get able to talk about feelings. After I got married, she mellowed.... Before that she was a tough lady you just do not want to mess with. I felt like having a headmistress in the house. Hahaha.. Kidding!! Guess at one point she realized her girls are all grown up.
One thing I love about my mom, she does not sugar coat life. Her advice was no matter how hard life treat you, you still have a choice to be happy. Whatever happens, no matter what the consequences will be, the choice is yours to make. People can say whatever they want but it doesn't necessarily will do you any good. What matter's is what's your heart is saying, what's your conscious is hinting. Basically what does you guts telling you.
So right about now.. my whole body is giving me a sign to let them rest... Better log off now before I passed my bedtime.