Thinking of starting back the blog. Then again will I make time for maintenance or just update after say.. few months? Huhuhu... Really need to get a better in time management.

Below is the latest addidion to my family. He was born on 4th of January 2012 at 27 weeks. Stayed 2 months at the hospital before we could bring him home. It was a long journey to health but we both made it. Didn't we Sweetheart? My Ashraf Hadi bin Mohd Azli.

Have you ever felt alone in life,
Felt no-one cared for you?
Or been out with group of friends,
And felt alone then too?
Have you ever had a broken heart,
You felt couldn't be repaired?
Or to touch somebody with your words,
But knew nobody cared?
Have you ever needed good advice,
But were too afraid to call?
Or felt separated from the world,
Surrounded by a brick wall?
Have you ever been asked about your future,
And said you couldn't care less?
Have you ever felt so confused,
That you couldn't even cry?
Have you ever felt so damn depressed,
Have you ever wished to die?

Should I start blogging again?

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Recovery period?

I can't seem to find any words nor time to write on this blog. Though the purpose of purchasing notebook and smart phone was to be able to get in touch with friends via network instead of having a cuppa at Starbucks.

But ever since the tragedy, I find it even harder to write. Even though I looked as if I've fully recovered, there were times where I just feels like giving up everything and run off to just let all the pain subside. Unfortunately it doesn't. I'm still waiting for time to help me heal...

Dear God! I missed her so much. I missed our late evening conversation while I'm driving home from work. I missed to the argument we both have when it comes to obeying husband's request. (Her daughter does not bow to his commands... Hahaha) I missed the moment where we would dissed out our thought about my siblings. Sorry guys... Can't help it. I'm pretty sure you guys talked about me too.

Hubby offered himself in case I need someone to talk to. But it just doesn't work that way. I know he is supposedly my other half. But I need a mother's word of wisdom. No, it didn't work with my mom-in-law either. It just had to mom.

Some people might find it hard to understand how in the world did I get to be so close with my mom. trust me it was not easy. It took us 25 years to get able to talk about feelings. After I got married, she mellowed.... Before that she was a tough lady you just do not want to mess with. I felt like having a headmistress in the house. Hahaha.. Kidding!! Guess at one point she realized her girls are all grown up.

One thing I love about my mom, she does not sugar coat life. Her advice was no matter how hard life treat you, you still have a choice to be happy. Whatever happens, no matter what the consequences will be, the choice is yours to make. People can say whatever they want but it doesn't necessarily will do you any good. What matter's is what's your heart is saying, what's your conscious is hinting. Basically what does you guts telling you.

So right about now.. my whole body is giving me a sign to let them rest... Better log off now before I passed my bedtime.

Happy 3rd Birthday Rizqeen Hani

Happy 5th Birthday Imran Haris

11th of August - 1st Ramadhan

Below is just an excerpt from online news about the accident that took my mom's life. I'm still having a hard time to write. Perhaps another time...

KUALA LIPIS - Pengetua Sekolah Menengah Sultan Ahmad Shah, Cameron Highlands maut manakala suaminya yang memandu kenderaan terbabit cedera ringan apabila kereta yang mereka naiki terbabas ke bawah tebing.
Ketua Polis Daerah, Superitendan Abdul Razak Hassan berkata, mangsa, Nishah Ismail bersama suaminya, Ali Hussein Abdul Ghani yang juga Pegawai Pelajaran Daerah Cameron Highlands sedang dalam perjalanan ke Kuantan atas urusan kerja.
Menurutnya, kejadian terbabit berlaku kira-kira jam 4.30 petang kelmarin di Kilometer 27 Jalan Sungai Koyan - Cameron Highlands.
“Mangsa bersama suami menaiki kenderaan jenis CRV sedang dalam perjalanan dari Cameron Highlands ke Kuantan. Sampai di tempat kejadian, kereta yang dipandu suami mangsa hilang kawalan lalu terbabas ke kiri jalan dan masuk ke bawah tebing.
“Mangsa cedera parah di kepala dan meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian. Manakala suami mangsa hanya cedera ringan dan dirawat sebagai pesakit luar di Hospital Lipis,” katanya, di sini, kelmarin.
Abdul Razak berkata, mayat mangsa dibawa ke Hospital Lipis untuk dibedah siasat dan dituntut ahli keluarga sebelum dikebumikan di kampung asal arwah di Kota Bharu, Kelantan

Career vs Family

When I started working, it never cross my mind I would actually be starting a career. I just need a job and fast. Though it did occur to me I have to proof to them I am good at whatever task they throw to me. Why? Because I'm competing with kids 6 years my junior! If I don't perform, they might as well hire someone younger.

After one year of showing them what I'm capable off, I did get the reward I deserved. Perhaps more than what I thought I deserved. So my next target was to find a place closer to home so I can spend more time with my family. And I did mention this to my boss. So, when the half-year review came, she asked me again about my plans. Am I going to go through with it? Being the honest me, I told her it's not easy for me to decide. If I were to change, it would mean less pay and more work. Not necessarily more time at work but definitely more paperwork to handle. And I do have to sacrifice my Saturdays depends on which company I'm going to. So that is not really a good option. The perks is that the office is around 3-5 km from home. And I would end up with less pay than what I'm getting now. A lot less!

This is what she had to say. As a mother and a friend she understands my concern and what motivates me to consider those options. She too have 2 kids about the same age as mine. Being able to send them to school and play time is precious. But as a Manager, she has to be selfish. She doesn't want me to leave and would like to do anything she could to get me to stay. However that does not mean she will force me to stay. She will respect my decision either way. She has plans for me and that plans means more responsibility. Her plans goes more than 12 months for me.

I was a bit stunned and wasn't able to comment anything on that. But I assured her if I am leaving I will not leave her hanging. Besides there are others that are capable to do what I do. The one and only different is I am loud. Hahaha... Seriously. Most of my team mates are not vocal people. Unfortunately for her, I am. I would say what's on my mind and will admit to whatever mistakes I did. She said the most significant trade that I have is that I can take criticism positively. And to her that is one of the most important for someone to be able to further his or herself in an organization.

So now I am torn between family and career. I am still not looking for one. But if I were to be offered with a career plus good reward. Who am I to say no to that? No worries, I still have 2011 to think about it.

Family trip to none other than Port Dickson

Finally we managed to go for a family vacation last weekend. After all the brainstorming on where to go we decided on the nearest spot. Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan. To add to the excitement, we're going there without hotel reservation. We're gonna take our chance on just walking in and book a room.

So after the parents-teacher session at Imran's kindy, we're off. The journey was fine because kids we're asleep all the way. We even had time to drive along before deciding to stay at Permaisuri Resorts. They only provide apartments. So we took the Studio Apartment and requested for extra mattress. The appearance and facility was okay but the cafe was terrible. There were flies everywhere. And the service was not that bad, given the fact that most of them are new at this. I can seem to trace any experienced staff but they were helpful. I'm giving them few months for the next visit.

Anyway, we had a blast at Blue Lagoon beach. Yes, that is the name on the place. The water was great and Imran had fun building his sandcastles. Would you believe me when I say I never build one myself? So this thing is new to me too! Hahaha... Hani also had a blast. Not once she made anyone miserable. Except when she wanted to sleep in our bed instead of hers. At one point the only regret I have is that Imran couldn't make new friends at the beach. The kids were not being friendly. And most of the people there were young couples fooling around with each other. And I do mean fooling around in the water.

Enough rambling. I can't wait for another family trip. Hope It'll be soon...

So much for moderation..

I just spent my money on a new phone. Not just a phone, but a smart phone. I don't really need one but somehow with all the temptation and persuasion from Hubby, I bought it. So now I own a smart phone which I have no idea how to use. Besides my current service provider doesn't really provide me with any data usage plan, so I might transfer to another and opt for smart plan. First, Hubby has to disown me from his supplementary plan. Haha..

The thought of buying a smart phone never occurs to me but somehow the urge to be able to browse without the hassle of opening my netbook is so tempting. Especially when Hubby kept looking to his phone whenever we went out. It's so frustrating. Oh wait, I think jealous is the more appropriate word to describe the feeling.

Oh well, what's done is done... I'm gonna have fun with my new gadget!

Book hunting failure

Ever since I read Trudi's Black Magician's Trilogy, I am obsessed with fantasy books. Currently hunting for children's book by Angie Sage. The Araminta Spookie's books. Right now she already published 5 books and waiting to finish number 6. So I still have time to start collecting. But I'm having a hard time to find the first book. Went to 3 different bookstore today. One of it got book 2,3 and 4. But I couldn't make myself jump books so I guess I have to wait for weekend.... Sigh... Hopefully Hubby will back me on this hunt.

Image taken from http://septimusheap.wordpress.com/araminta-spookie/

Big and Small

Today Imran brought back his bean sprouts from school. I didn't even know he was growing one until today. Guess I missed the story. Heheh..

Anyways, on the way back from Grandma's he was telling me on how he plant the small beans for this project. It went like this... more or less...

"Imran ambik small bean and buat macam ni. Lepas tu letak dalam cawan macam ni. Small aje bean dia. Tapi nanti dia grow. Kena letak air baru dia grow. Bean tu kecik aje macam tikus. Kalau besar macam giant. Macam orang besar. Orang tuh besar sampai cloud. Dia cucuk cloud lepas tu hujan."

Yes, it went from small bean to giant people poking the cloud. Apparently that's why it rains. Hahaha...

I love Toy Story 3!!!

I am so glad I queued for the tickets!! It was so worth it. Even Imran wasn't able to say anything throughout the movie. He would usually called out "Ibu, Ibu, Ibu, apa dia buat?" or "Abah, Abah, Abah, tengok ni.. Imran pun strong" much to my annoyance. Hehehe...

Anyway, I would definitely be collecting Toy Story DVD's. Or should we opt for Bluray? Is that okay Hun?

Black Magician's Trilogy - DONE

(Picture taken from Little Brown, Book Group)

I have finished reading these three books within one week. I am now looking forward to continue with The Traitor Spy Trilogy. Can't wait for the complete set to be publish.

Let's bring on the fantasy...

Back in the days as a student, I was into fantasy stories. A guy I was chatting with introduced me to the Wheel of Time books. Unfortunately I could only read until book 9. Kinda lost attention for the following book. And I were to continue reading, I would have to start reading back the previous books. Which will only happen if I can take a whole week off work and being a mother. Hahah!

Anyway, the other day we went to Tropicana Mall where Borders was having a sale. And I saw Black Magician trilogy. Unfortunately I found the second and third book. But the first one was not available. And I am determine to get the first book no matter what. And I finally got the book yesterday! At Popular book store, I could only get 15% off with member's card rather than the 50% off at Borders. I would've bought all three books if only I had enough cash. So the rest of the trilogy have to wait till my next pay.

I'm already halfway finish and can't wait for weekend to come so I can get the rest. It's kinda light for a fantasy story which suits me just fine. I can't bear to overuse my brain just for reading. Hahah...

Happy Father's Day

We went out to Subang's Empire Gallery to celebrate Hubby's day. Original plan was to eat at Chili's but the queue was long so we decided Italiannies instead. It was just Hubby's luck that they have promotion for free 1 main course for fathers. And so ended up with Classic Carbonara for the kids and Chicken Parmagiana for Hubby. And I chose Spinach and Artichoke Formaggio. Yes, I chose the starter for my meal, cuz most likely I would end up sharing the other meal. Hahah...

After dinner, we went for a stroll. There wasn't much to see since most of the shop weren't really, how do I say this, our kind of place. Not even for window shopping. Hehe.. Anyways, we had a good time walking around and headed to Starbucks for a light supper. Caramel Latte for me and Mocha Chocolate Chip frappuccino for hubby and as usual he has to share it with Imran ngan Hani.

Happy Father's Day!!!

We love you this (imagine Imran stretching his arms out) much!!

Family vacation

Since the beginning of the year I've been thinking on family vacation. But nothing seems to come to mine except Genting Highlands. How lame is that? But that's the only place where Imran actually had fun. The only thing missing was a swimming pool. Hahaha...

We tried out spending a day at Sunway Lagoon. Definitely not worth the money. All the kids wanted to play was in the shaded pool. Both were scared of the slides. No, not the big one of course. The ones in the kiddy pool. Well, there goes the trip to Bukit Merah and Lost World of Tambun.

Then there are the islands. Redang? Tioman? Perhentian? Even Hubby agreed there's nothing interesting there other than the beach. And with kids? Definitely a no-no. Langkawi? Penang? Not a big fan either.

So what's left? Overseas? Unfortunately no budget for that. Still figuring out how to save money to go to Disneyland. Hahaha....

Kindergarten Picnic

Last Thursday I took half day leave to join Imran's kindergarten picnic. And yes, I've almost used up my annual leave this year. So Hubby better get ready to use his for the 2nd half of this year.

Anyways, I brought Hani along for the picnic and made egg sandwich. Both of them had fun. We were so exhausted that I almost did not make it to work.

Happy Mother's Day!!

No words can describe how I'm feeling right now. I got all these emotion to let out, but somehow it just won't come out. All these mixed feeling for my family can really drive some mothers to the edge. But with these two scoundrels around, I have always managed to keep sane. Hahaha... Cause no matter how crazy my days goes, Imran and Hani always and I mean always managed to get me back on the ground.

I need to stop blaming my mom for not preparing a manual for me. She didn't have hers either. I can do the payback to my kids like some mothers do, or I can teach them and avoid future argument. Plus my kids will think I'm super cool and will not think twice to have me in their home. I need to stop figuring out what I did wrong in the past and start thinking what to do with the ones I have now. I need to spend more times with Imran and Hani because I think I'm starting to miss them already.

But right now, I am savoring the time I have left until they wake up from their afternoon nap.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there!!

6 years and counting...

Got loads of things to write but somehow no energy to type.. so...

HAPPY 6TH ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!

I am glad that Hubby made the decision 7 years ago.. and now here we are... with two wild kids and a home still waiting to be decorated.. (Byk benor dinding kosong.. Dapat gantung TV jek.. haha)