and got myself the I'm-a-bad-mother-panic-attack. All of the sudden my heart hurt so much with this guilt feeling of whatever that I have done wrong to my kids. Everything flashes through my mind. The day I dropped Hani, scolded Imran for not refusing to eat, scream at Hani for hitting her big brother (she just turned one!) and everything that has the same element of scolding smacking and late development. (which does not include the late teeth development)
Anyway, I do have this kind of panic attack some times before. But not in the middle of my beauty sleep. My unconscious mind must be telling me something. Have I missed something? Today I got to know that my friends are sending their kids to kindergarten at the age of four. I personally wanted to send Imran when he turns 5. Since some school teachers advised me to do so. Even my mother told me not to send off Imran for academic learning at a very early age.
Am I jealous of what other kids can do academically? Of course I am. My son can barely writes but he has had a very good attempt in doing so. He can recognize all the alphabets and numbers but not words. And obviously he doesn't do sums. But I'm still proud of him. Because I have never forced him to any of this. But when I see kids who are able to do simple word reading and additions, it made me wonder have I missed something?
When I was wandering around the children section at Borders, The Curve (while waiting for a friend getting dental check-up), I saw few kids reading with their parents. And I see Imran running all over the place with excitement and Hani rearranging the books on the shelves. The two of them were really excited seeing all the books but unfortunately all for the wrong reason. Hahaha.... Somehow it did give some satisfaction seeing how happy they are in a bookstore. Though I wish I could bring them to library. Wishful thinking I guess. Had to wait for another, let's see.. 3 years? Huhuhu.....
I know I've been quite ambitious on preparing Imran to write and read. To me he's too young to be burden with early learning materials. But the competition out there has made me wonder should I sent him for and early education? Thanks to Allah, Hubby agrees with me on the too young subject. He said just send to him to kindergarten for socializing and getting the idea of paying attention and listening to orders. and somehow I think in one way we need to detach him from me. And sending him off to kindergarten is the next best thing after MIL.
Do I feel guilty leaving him after 3 whole years taking care of him 24/7? Absolutely! People might think I'm cold-hearted mom who didn't shed any tears when Hani was wailing and screaming when her hand was being poked for IV. But I know I can be strong. Praise to Allah. Now I;m being ridiculous. MIL once said about how she worries sometime about her sons. As I have told her several times, it doesn't matter how old your children are, whether they have turned grandparents themselves, they will always be your children. I have no idea how it feel to let go of your children but I do know that it's not easy to see them growing up. Especially when you realized something is amiss.
Please Allah, let me do everything I can to protect and nourish my children. Amin....
Anyway, I do have this kind of panic attack some times before. But not in the middle of my beauty sleep. My unconscious mind must be telling me something. Have I missed something? Today I got to know that my friends are sending their kids to kindergarten at the age of four. I personally wanted to send Imran when he turns 5. Since some school teachers advised me to do so. Even my mother told me not to send off Imran for academic learning at a very early age.
Am I jealous of what other kids can do academically? Of course I am. My son can barely writes but he has had a very good attempt in doing so. He can recognize all the alphabets and numbers but not words. And obviously he doesn't do sums. But I'm still proud of him. Because I have never forced him to any of this. But when I see kids who are able to do simple word reading and additions, it made me wonder have I missed something?
When I was wandering around the children section at Borders, The Curve (while waiting for a friend getting dental check-up), I saw few kids reading with their parents. And I see Imran running all over the place with excitement and Hani rearranging the books on the shelves. The two of them were really excited seeing all the books but unfortunately all for the wrong reason. Hahaha.... Somehow it did give some satisfaction seeing how happy they are in a bookstore. Though I wish I could bring them to library. Wishful thinking I guess. Had to wait for another, let's see.. 3 years? Huhuhu.....
I know I've been quite ambitious on preparing Imran to write and read. To me he's too young to be burden with early learning materials. But the competition out there has made me wonder should I sent him for and early education? Thanks to Allah, Hubby agrees with me on the too young subject. He said just send to him to kindergarten for socializing and getting the idea of paying attention and listening to orders. and somehow I think in one way we need to detach him from me. And sending him off to kindergarten is the next best thing after MIL.
Do I feel guilty leaving him after 3 whole years taking care of him 24/7? Absolutely! People might think I'm cold-hearted mom who didn't shed any tears when Hani was wailing and screaming when her hand was being poked for IV. But I know I can be strong. Praise to Allah. Now I;m being ridiculous. MIL once said about how she worries sometime about her sons. As I have told her several times, it doesn't matter how old your children are, whether they have turned grandparents themselves, they will always be your children. I have no idea how it feel to let go of your children but I do know that it's not easy to see them growing up. Especially when you realized something is amiss.
Please Allah, let me do everything I can to protect and nourish my children. Amin....
1 comment:
Babe, we're updated with new collection of tie rack scarfs. now open for pre-order. see you there!! :)
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